Now I wouldn't be a writer if I didn't post paying a reflection to 2022.
It is 10:33 pm when I am starting to write this. I really did wait until the last two hours to do this, but that isn't shocking seeing as my habits include procrastination.
I have a love and hate relationship with this time of year. I love it because it gives me a reset. A sense of purpose to wipe away all my impurities and things that make me flawed. But I hate it because it's consistently unrealistic. I set these unachievable standards that promote no growth, just perfection. As I've grown over this past year, I truly accepted that perfection just doesn't exist. The only thing I want to be now is me. Me and peace. My new best friend.
2022 means a lot to me. Not only because it was a year of wild adventures, but because it was a year of change and realization. This year I realized that happiness isn't my goal, but rather peace and contentment is. That only with peace can there be happiness, and I now understand that with happiness, I need sadness to survive. It took until I finally felt peace that I actually was happy. It was calming just being in a state of tranquility and mental toughness. This year also taught me that my growth isn't linear on a large scale, rather than just a small one, and that it's okay to get bad again after doing so well.
January to March was absolute hell for me. I believe with every bone in body that it's a miracle that I'm still here. So much was going on, I felt as if I was drowning. That abyss had just seemed to go on forever and ever. No matter where I look, I was never presented a way out.
But as track started and April rolled around, I started to heal. I started to find and befriend amazing people, where I fell in love with the college I am now committed to and attended prom with some amazing friends. I started to feel peace, and happiness. My smile felt truer, and I wasn't stuck home alone anymore when loneliness started to creep in. May passed by like it was no one's business, and all of sudden, I was no longer a junior.
June at the start was hard. I had to confront myself a lot and delve into what I was feeling and why. That was the month where I chose myself. I chose to do what makes me happy. What makes me feel alive. For the next four months, I would argue that those were near the best months of my life. I didn't really do anything spectacular. I just did what I wanted. I went to the gym, played field hockey, and made some awesome moments. It was simple, but it made my life better.
September came around, and I marked Maryland off my bucket list, meeting some beautiful people who I wish the best to everyday. Field hockey was in full swing, and although it had a lot of bumps and bruises, I still loved it.
October was where reality met me head on. That month was amazing, filled with once in a lifetime experiences. It also showed me what it was like to be overwhelmed. I went on the best trip of life to Vermont. That trip made me realize that traveling was my niche, something that made me feel whole. I met amazing and beautiful people on that trip and saw how kind people can be, and the wisdom they hold. I also made my last trek of the year to Indiana. A place that determined my future. I was down to two colleges in my decision for commitment, and this trip was going to be indictive of my path. After those trips though, I soon came face to face with reality and catching up. This started my rough for the next month, but I no longer have those initial feelings of resentment anymore. I welcome it. November was rough, but I had some pretty cool accomplishments that I made during that time.
December. You passed me by. (Almost like Girl in Red, if ykyk) I honestly don't have much about this month with events, but I have noticed change in my priorities. With coming back to school, it's been hard learning to be alone again. But this month caused me to really protect my peace. I don't need so many people in my life, just those who make me happy.
So, with that, here is my 2022 reflection.
To 2023, we are going to kick ass (excuse my vulgarity.) There is no way around it. Change will be happening all the time, and I am so excited. I have some big plans for you and this blog.
So please, stay tuned.
Until next time,
Your hopeful stranger
11:15pm
12/31/2022
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