Hey everyone, like clockwork, here is my unintentional monthly post.
I have had ideas since my birthday on what to write about but sitting down and typing everything would make it real. I am not exactly sure I was ready to accept that yet. I wanted to give it more time to marinate and see if it still held true under unexpected circumstances.
Time to set the scene:
It is currently 1:03pm on a gloomy, slightly rainy Saturday afternoon. I am sitting in a cafe that outlooks a town circle and resembles what I would imagine feeling like South America. Topping it off, I am listening to jazz music to enhance a calming mood.
I think it would be only proper to start this post off with the title. I turned nineteen on the 21st of this past July, and for the first time in my life, my age felt right. As a kid, I was constantly waiting to grow up and do something with my life. A few examples: 10 waiting to be 13 to volunteer at a hospital and to get my hunting license, and also 10 waiting to turn 16 so I could obtain my license. Turning 18 was a blank page, a vision of black because the unexpected came and swept me off my feet. 18 was exactly what it needed to be. New experiences, relearning how to live, and learning more about myself. Nineteen has come in beautiful fashion, filled with acceptance, healing, and curiosity. I don't want to be 20 and certainly don't want to turn 21. I am exactly where I need to be during this rebuilding period of my life.
As a little update, I had my first piano lesson in seven years. It healed a part of my inner child to go back to something I loved so much growing up. To press my fingers on the keys and feel the harmony reverberate throughout my soul was everchanging. Along the healing, I started therapy again and it feels so refreshing to have someone who expresses care in what's happened in my life and who I've become because of it.
Right after my birthday, I spent a week in Maine to see some old friends and to celebrate one of my best friend's 21st. This trip was sheer bliss and a recharge to my low battery. It gave me time to relax and be at peace with the people I love and a nice visit until I am able to see them again. Maine was absolutely gorgeous and exploring Portland, Gardiner, and Old Orchard was a redeeming opportunity. I bought seven books on that trip, and I absolutely loved exploring the bookstores that bless Maine with abundance of knowledge.
Upon my drive home, I was on route and thought back to my first trip driving home from Maine. Back then, I was thoroughly excited with the idea of driving straight for 134 miles. Reflecting on this last trip, the idea of driving for 134 miles bored me to no bounds. This question arose from it: would you rather drive 100 miles straight or filled with turns if either way, you would arrive at your destination at the same time. Thinking back to who I was a year ago, I have learned to fall in love with the adventure. To bask in its uniqueness and bath in the new experiences. I look forward to a journey with unexpected turns and sudden changes. A year ago, I needed structure. Now, I crave consistency that can endure the unknown.
I have six months before I embark on a new journey that still remains undecided. I am thrilled to meet who I become of this next chapter of my life. There is still so much more to learn and establish, but life is a process and not to be rushed. I am finally starting to understand that.
Until next time,
your hopeful/less stranger
1:44pm
08.17.2024
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