Hey everyone, or anyone who sees this for that matter. I wanted to make a commitment and effort to post once a week to this blog. We have reached 11:52pm on Saturday, January 13. I unfortunately don't think I'll make this deadline, but something is always better than nothing.
I have had ideas swarm and fill my head as this week has trudged onward. I would push myself onto my laptop and sit to hopefully push me to write, but all I did was find distraction. Even now I'm finding distraction from packing to leave for school tomorrow, which is most likely going to be earlier than expected.
I wanted to post a 2023 reflection and I think I've given myself the time I needed to really understand every emotion I was feeling and not have to rush an end that was going to happen no matter what.
2023 was honestly the best and "worst" year of my life. I went into 2023 with a rough outline, but no expectations. I knew I was going to graduate, and at that point, I knew what school I would spend the last half of my year. I think I can really say I found myself, and my people. In reality, 2023 started for me the moment my father passed. I don't mean it in a harsh and strange way. Greiving someone who was still living took a large toll on me, and my mother and brother immensely. I loved the time I had with my dad, and it's crazy to think about it. He would have been sixty on January 10th, just four days ago. We would have enjoyed peanut butter chocolate cake (his favorite) and celebrated another decade as a milestone. I didn't expect it to hit as hard as it did this year. I almost existed the whole day in a daze, reminiscing and reliving the past. My dad was such an important figure in my life, both when he was active and functioning and when he was sick and tired. He taught me so much, even after he passed, but the stress affected my senior year and further in ways I can only understand now that I've grown and it's past me.
A few days after my dad passed, for my birthday, I chose to buy the tickets to a water lantern festival. I had been wanting to go for months but was waiting to bite the bullet. When everything happened, I knew I needed a release and to take care of myself. I bought the tickets and the day after my birthday, July 22nd, I saw true love for the first time in my life. True and ever-consuming love, platonic and romantic. The best way to describe it is as a beautiful night filled with stars lighting up the night sky and you feel ethereal and at peace. I left that night fulfilled with a renewed sense of life.
From there, I prepared for the next chapter of my life, college. The start of something new. A new world. I've written quite a lot about my experiences so far, but I have learned so much about myself. I would not trade 2023 for the world. It's my best year yet.
But I will make better.
2024 is my year of intention.
To live life filled with intention and meaning. Life is so exciting because you are in control. You get one chance. One chance to make the most of what's handed to you, and most importantly, the art you make because of it. I may not be able to control everything, or anything really, but I know that I can experience and adapt. 2024 holds the unknown. I have no clue what I will be doing after this semester, but no matter what, I will make the most of this life. For myself and those who feel stuck in a world that just seems hopeless. I was there once, and all I looked was at the potential of those who chose to make a hopeless world, hopeful.
Instead of taking this year head on, I am separating it by quarters. Living in the now, without the overwhelming stress of having to have everything figured out. I'm taking certain things month by month and setting new intentions to accomplish by the end of the quarter. One of those intentions being to post here at least once a week. I need this for myself. I will to this for myself.
I wanted to start a quote of the week because I love consuming information.
"It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul."
Invictus: William Ernest Henley
Until next time,
your hopeful stranger
12:25pm
01.14.2024
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