Dear Journal,
Good afternoon at this point. Just a little update on life before I decide to not-so-subtly transition into my reminders of the day. It finally snowed here in Maine, which apparently we got it quite late this year compared to past. I am not fully sure how I feel about it at the moment. Back home in Pennsylvania, snow was usually scarce and did not stay, so it ended up looking ugly and dirty. Here, the snow stays and it provides this pure beauty that makes me appreciate life a little more each day. I do realize that it stays because it's so frigidly cold here. I have not dealt with single digits in many many years and did not come equipped for it.
Times have changed.
I knew this year that so much was going to happen and I needed to not except anything to welcome these new experiences with open arms. I am so glad I did that. I said goodbye to someone I hold dear to my heart. I graduated and then moved away to start a new chapter of my life. I met people and tried new things. This year has taught me a lot.
I like sparkling water now, something before that I thought just tasted like static. I really appreciate my time alone and no longer yearn because I feel lonely. I found genuine people. People who aren't always going to do everything right (I don't either), but we learn and accept each others strengths and differences.
Moving onto what's been on my mind lately, I no longer think I am stuck in survival mode. This really hit me hard when I got paid and now have money for the first time in a long time. My immediate thoughts were to spend it and stock up because something might happen and I needed to be prepared. I paused and realized that I never appreciate the ending of things anymore. Movies, books, products I use on the daily. I have spent so much of my life trying to move on, so I understand what's happening next, that I miss the chance to really appreciate what I have now. What I need now. This next chapter of my life is going to revolve on taking care of myself and my needs, and finding a way to let things end. People need their closure, but I do too. And I can certainly do that for myself.
Until next time,
a hopeful/less stranger
12:15pm
12.08.2023
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