Good afternoon everyone. I just wanted to give an update :)
One of the biggest things I have realized while on this journey is that rather than chasing for this unrealistic constant happiness, that I should be striving to find contentment and peace. It took me a long time to realize this, and even longer to achieve this. I always thought that the main goal was to be happy. But that is such an unhealthy mindset and idea of life. I mean, happiness is a moment and a feeling. It's a literal rise in dopamine levels. So, it isn't sustainable to be happy all the time if there isn't a cause for the dopamine levels rising.
Once I realized that, it was a long process. For a year, I chased the whole idea of living all the time instead of existing. Without me knowing it, I was killing myself trying to feel alive at every moment in time. It hurt, and I established all these toxic habits that brought short moments of what I thought it was like to be happy.
Change wasn't made right away. Realizing is the first step. Taking action is the second, and consistency is where I'd say I'm at right now. For the first time in a long time, I am content. I am at peace with my life. Yes, there are quarrels and arguments, but I think I can handle it. I think I can handle without completely letting my mental health spiral out of control. I am trying to be so much more conscious with my life and decisions.
I'm starting to look forward to a future.
I'd say this little seedling is starting to take root. Progress :)
Until next time,
a hopeful/less stranger
3:24pm
7/4/2022
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