Trying. From the mental and emotional aspect of my life, I'd say 'trying' would be the best way to describe my life at the moment. The next chapter, if you will. Recently, life has been really good. Things were going well; everything was falling into place. But in the past week and a half, I've been met with the harsh realities of deadlines. This wasn't what started my most recent episode, but I definitely know it was a large contributor. I have overwhelmed and overstimulated myself once again.
It's been a while since me and my depression have met face to face. I know she didn't want to come back, but she needs to in order to stay alive. She has to plague and kill one's mind in order to live. An oxymoron in its entirety. I think slowly though, she's starting to wither away. I remember my episodes used to have very little rest time. I would have a week or two of somewhat mental stability before the cycle repeated. This time had lasted about two and a half months. I see progress in myself, but also in that little girl who is my depression. She's like a little kid. Initially, vying for my attention. Pushing for the desperate love and care that she needed. But as she is getting older, she is starting to learn how toxic she is for constantly seeking the love (my body in this case) from others. Now, it's time to say goodbye. To move on, and grow and find love in ourselves rather than trying to find it in others.
Trying. This time around, I have a better idea of what I can do to help nurture and push my depression out. She is starting to become dependent on herself, and I the same. To this new chapter, please treat me with care.
Until next time,
A Hopeful/less Stranger
2:10pm
08/23/2022
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