Okay, so I haven't posted in a few days, and I knew if I didn't post again sometime soon, I would most likely not keep myself accountable in staying consistent with this. I have had so many different ideas on what to talk about, don't get me wrong, I just never pushed myself to actually sit down and start writing. So, as I can't seem to not fall asleep right away anymore, I might as do something while I wait.
Lately, I've started to realize I've been living just to survive, instead of establishing habits that help me thrive. For the past year and a half, I have gone through so many incidents that's caused for my mental health to decline. So, in turn, my way to combat this way to constantly seek out ways to live. Rather than me constantly being in this state of existing. My mentality was "I'll do/try it later, my main focus right now if just living," which I will never discredit or downplay my mental health, but I am now facing the harsh realities from this mentality. One of the biggest things as well is that I've disassociated through my whole junior year. The year passed me by, and I can't really even tell you what happened. In this state of trying to "live," I've also caused myself to forget the other moments. Another repercussion I am now facing is that I now lack the discipline to establish healthy long-term habits. I don't live for myself; I live for the opportunity of this objective feeling that I can't even discern although I've chased it for almost two years.
It's time for a big change. It's time for discomfort. It's time for me to thrive.
I didn't think I'd live this long, and now that I have and am, it's important for me to set boundaries not only for others, but mainly, myself. This little seedling is starting to feel its nutrients.
Until next time,
a hopeful/less stranger
11:49pm
6/12/2022
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