This song has been trending all over Tiktok and other social media platforms recently, for good reason. It has this ethereal build before it leads to a climax of release, and I would say that this song represents my first year here at Thomas, but more importantly, the title has made me think about how closely my first year of college is coming to an end.
Sitting in a pretty quaint coffee house, called Wrapped Up, I am sitting on a comfy orange couch, sipping a dirty matcha with oat milk. Not that any of these details are relevant, but I thought I would set the scene. Driving to this coffee shop, it was the first time I drove on the highway since driving back to Maine from spring break. These past few weeks made me realize that I never explored Maine and the neighboring cities I lived in. As much as I call it my home, I have rather treated these past 8 months as a "vacation," for lack of better words. Thomas has this eerie aura that constrains students to the campus and it alone, and so many students do their studying on campus, eat, and even party in this tiny isolating bubble. It is crazy to my brain that I let myself live that little life for as long as I did, and I have said this before, but college has been something I've idolized for over half of my life. I had this notion that people go to little cafes to study and learn to balance their life. I tend to view my life through colors, with different connotations. The idea of college for me was red, orange, and green, filled with vibrancy and the excitements of life, but for the past 8 months, the colors were different shades of blue and black, muting what life has to offer and dulling the possibilities.
I have realized that for me personally, I was compromising things that kept me sane because I was stuck in a feedback loop confining me to the small walls of a school. These past two weeks, I have been exploring further and even though I have been struggling mentally, I have felt more like a college student and the joy of it more than this whole year. For me, environment is key and a change of it is important for my mind to relax and reset.
Moving on, I have one month left of classes and then I am done. It's jarring how much time has passed since I left on August 18th to drive up and enter a completely new chapter by myself. It honestly feels like no time has passed since I met so many new people at once and would find forever friends. With this in mind, my body has definitely matured in realizing what I want and who I want around me. My brain learns at a rapid pace, and while I thought I would enjoy the known necessities of college, I realized those aren't my main foci. Currently, my two biggest goals outside of school are to finish and turn in my college applications and find an internship for the summer. Other than that, I want to finish the year off with a 4.0 GPA, to prove to myself that I can do it, and set myself up for a school that can challenge me. Regarding my personal life, I want to pay more attention to what I am consuming, with media, fitness, and nutrition. Healthy body, healthy mind, but even further, I want to be intentional with my life. I have boiled my life down to three things: work, school, and personal.
Getting back to school from winter break, I have overwhelmed myself with putting too much on my plate. As much as I can do anything, I really cannot do everything. Life would lose direction and meaning.
We are reaching the end of March, and I set up intentions at the beginning of the year to check in on. Regarding my screen time, initially I accomplished my goals, but when I got overwhelmed or when my mental health took a turn, I noticed I turned to consume rather than reflect on things I need to do. Knowing that information, I can be more diligent moving forward on taking care of myself. Concerning posting on here once a week, those goals were not met, but because of it, I have been posting more often, which is good. Last year, I really slacked in posting, but this is important to me, and I want to do better. The last intention was to go the gym at least three times a week, and that has been my biggest struggle. I have a lot to learn about myself in this area of my life, but it's okay.
This quote has been really striking a chord with me lately and I thought to share it:
"If you spend your time chasing butterflies, they'll fly away. But if you spend your time making a beautiful garden, the butterflies will come to you.
When you focus on improving yourself, everything you want will come to you. We attract based on who we are, not what we want.
Don't chase, attract."
Until next time,
a hopeful/less stranger
12:28pm
03.25.2024
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