Dear Journal,
This is how I have started my journal entries dating all the way back to me being a little kid. In a way, for the longest time, this blog was my escape place. My little home that existed on the internet. My poems have always been my outlet to relieve the stress that plagues my mind, but this blog has been my outreach. To people who aren't close to me and get to hear my poems whenever I finish them. I would love to one day publish a book of my poems so people all over the world can feel understood, but that is for another time. This entry today is a little mix of reflection and recap.
To start off, grief is such an interesting thing. I wouldn't exactly describe it as a feeling, but rather a mixture of all the emotions and feelings. It evolves and changes just like everything else. The situation isn't mourning the loss of someone who was still alive anymore. It evolved and sometimes evolution means saying goodbye to someone because they need rest. Losing my father was something I expected, as convoluted as that sounds, but in my head, I just knew he wouldn't heal while here on this earth. But I know he's in a better place, whatever that may be and he's not suffering anymore. Through this experience, I truly learned what it meant to appreciate the connections I've made and the world around me. To understand that even where you cannot live life the way most people do, you can still live it to the fullest. In a way, I found peace.
In less than 24 hours, I will embark on a new journey. A new chapter of this part of my new life. Yesterday, I had to say 'see you later' to a place that became my temporary home and permanent family. People who supported me, even when I was at my lowest, and although this family is twisted, and a little messy, I would not trade them for the world. I found out what it meant to belong somewhere. In February, when I first started working there, I already understood that this place would make a difference in my life. There, I was faced with two paths, either dwell on the limited time I had with these amazing people or learn what it means to appreciate the present and make the most of it. I am so glad I chose the latter. I have made the best of memories and most impactful friendships while there. I will miss this place so much, but I also know I am so ready for the next chapter.
In less than twenty-four hours from now, I will be on my way to move in for college. This is all so surreal, considering the fact that I have been looking forward to college since I was eleven. A new environment, new people, new experiences, just such a large learning opportunity that I am so excited to embrace and explore. I know I will learn so much, and I am so excited for my life to change. So, to change.
Such a good thing.
Until next time,
a hopeful stranger
1:18am
08/17/2023
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