Hey everyone, it feels like forever since I last chatted with the world. In reality, it's only been a little over a month, but I would say that I'm in a different phase of my life.
Classes ended (finally), and I passed both of them... barely though. With that finished, I thought a weight would be lifted and feel the visceral change in my life. Turns out, I was strongly mistaken. With all this free time, I had no structure to add to my life, which is crazy considering I only viewed school as a burden. But what I didn't consider is that my brain likes stress and understand that certain amounts of it is healthy for my system. Back in the summer, I tried to emphasize living slower and eradicating the rush to have everything figured out. I needed to learn what it was to enjoy the everyday moments and small intricacies that could go unnoticed easily. Now, I would definitely say I am in a phase where I want to be moving forward and making plans.
Leading into plans, I was hired for the job at the ski resort but haven't started yet. It has truly stressed me out to no bounds because this is something I can't control, but I guess there's a lesson to be learned in that. It will happen when it needs to happen, so I have been trying to focus on my other priorities. Speaking of, I have narrowed down the schools I will be applying to in the fall. In the next week, I will start working on my applications, which I am honestly so excited for. I want to push myself this next year and see how far I can go. I feel like I spend so much time doing things that don't require much thinking, that when I have to, I'm exhausted because my priorities aren't productive. This next year will be a good one because I will make it good.
Now, it wouldn't be a proper 2024 reflection without acknowledging how much happened this year. It's crazy to even think how different my ambitions were a year ago. A year ago, I wrote how my home was no longer a home, and I would still argue that I feel that way, but I don't resent it as much as I used to. I've been "home" for seven months now, but prior to that, I was at school. Taking six classes, in six clubs, and working 25-30 hours a week, I pushed my limits. I returned to school with a renewed sense of hope, but I didn't know how to divide it equally. By March, I was completely burnt out, but that burnout brought me the best trip I've been on so far. Going to Canada by myself was one of the most relaxing weeks of my life. It was glimpse into living by myself, and all I want is more of it. Coming back from that high left me in a withdrawal, and I had to fight the rest of the semester. The best part was I achieved all the goals I set out for. I received four internship offers and later was accepted into all three schools I applied to. Life has a crazy way of sometimes telling you it's not time yet. I didn't take the internships, nor did I attend either school that was set for the fall.
Although I didn't do what I expected, I started learning to take care of horses from a person that I can only describe as a beacon of light. I started working at a country club and had the chance to meet some really beautiful people who have so much wisdom to offer. Using that money, I was able to go to Maine for a week and celebrate my best friend's 21st birthday. That trip is permanently imbedded in my brain as filled with so much joy. This past summer, I even came back to piano after seven years and fell right back in love.
Moving into the fall, I went to two concerts for artists that represent different parts of me. I met so many cool people, appreciated beautiful art, and fell in love with Philadelphia. I started my dreaded online classes all the same time of picking up two more jobs to bring me at three. I spent many months working 45-hour minimum weeks, one time peaking at 68 hours. But all of that hard work would be worth it when I went up for my second trip to Maine the weekend of Halloween. It was so precious to see my friends from school all in one place and get to let loose for a week. Coming home from that trip reminded me of why, and how I actually have people in my corner. It feels great to say that, and that's what pushes me to chase after my ambitions.
These past two months have been my low, but I didn't resent it because I understood I need this for my highs. I have been given the great privilege to work without distraction, and I will not take it for granted. I said 2024 was going to be my year of intention, and it was. Going into 2025, it's for new experiences. This period of time is so exciting for the fact that I have no idea what I'm going to do with it.
Alright, I have to go to a NYE party, but I hope everyone has an amazing new year.
What are your ambitions going into 2025?
Until next time,
your hopeful/less stranger
6:28pm
12.31.2024
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